Yearning

Yearning touches bruises

Turning them into scars

Self medication heals

Scratching loss into innards

Severance relieves pain

Breaking essential ties

Balm permeates a calm

Wrapping itself into hurt

Tears formalize mourning

Pearlizing as they shed

Pause allows a remembrance

Relieving the chatter

Medication delivers kindness

Measuring loss in caplets

 

Yearning for you

The void of your absence

Ensures a daily grounding

Into existence on your behalf

Sorrow brings a nutty obstinacy

To life & extracts a fullness

Creates a remembrance canvas

Yearning is hard work

Because it keeps you near

Rooting both me and you

In the truth of departure

the stillness of presence

and a nagging, ache that

whispers of the dawn

Borders and Bastions

Walls

Liking each other when you are standing behind the wall

Putting your ears to the ground, wondering

waiting for music to trickle in

button round eyes gaze across horizons

Dust

booted wall guards kicking footsteps into the dust

witnessing one finger pointing at themselves

color staring at steel and sticking into crevices

stainless silences on the other side, loathing noise

Journeys

neither being in the soul of south or the heart of north

seeing the wrong within the seething rules of right

talking without pretense, finding a position of hope

dying into each other’s arms, retrieving souls

birthing downing heads into cupped heads

going into journeys without worrying about walls

Sunlight 

often forgetting emptiness, forgiving ourselves into enthusiasm

letting in sunlight into bordered in children

igniting clarity to spaced out adults

allow for paper to be about stories and not stamped notices

enabling the knocks to be about visiting messages and not separation orders

Heartbeats

Igniting commonalities with naked music

Surprising the sky with concerts echoing over walls

seeeding small talk with words of twisty flavors

editing dialogue that separates seasons

giving away keep sakes of quivering heart beats

appearing into lives instead of encouraging disappearances

Steps

Desiring conversations across miles and borders

Exploring creaking bridges with new steps

Migrating courage into spaces of fear

Making offerings of vulnerability to arrogance

Clawing into lives, even across borders

Drawing ideas of the world

 

 

Love is charming

It makes you open your heart

 

I have loved fully, your package deal

of quirks, interests and obsessions

 

I have wondered sometimes, specially that day

when you told me to pray – for my period pain

really?

 

When the astrologer said we matched many parts of predictions

except I thought, relationship is not a match game?

 

Our first fight on our first date was for ice cream

you chose ubiquitous vanilla, it eliminated any chance of sharing a spoon

 

My analysis is always right and on the money, said dad

he arranged us, I wished the arrangement had quotient!

and then,

 

I learned, from and with you, beside you

You were patient when I was slow, or impatient

 

I nearly drowned, into depths that loss brings

You deserved more, but resuscitated me with courage

 

You kneaded into our marriage, things I owe my life to

Long term, invisible, tender hope, and allowance for smiles

 

You hummed tunes, like snowflakes and raindrops

The baritone found places to settle, in my nooks and corners

 

Redeeming faith came through, when fingers trace paths on palms

filling in scars, seeding new furrows, to let laughter sprout

 

‘We’ worked, intersecting life with meditation

gathering insignificant dust of daily grind, in jars and caskets

 

Time often lay strewn like autumnal leaves, crushed

you always found spring and called it home, a privilege

 

You carved out voices from films, stories, to create secret tunnels

used to crawl into each other’s hearts, curling fetal like till ready again

 

You unobtrusively modeled ‘us’ goals, keeping your end of the bargain

by letting in, staying vulnerable, being curious without conditions

 

A celebration of and for you, is like making a list

of memories, of being, of giving, of honesty, of curiosity

 

Of unabashed singing

Of rooted gratitude 

Of endearing coffee

Of riveting fatherhood

Of reliable journeys

 

Of staying in love

Of finding me

in my me

 

Love is charming

It makes a home within the pit of you

  

gatherings, reunions

are like seminars

or, genealogy by the bars

uncomfortable truths

jarring jokes

targeting your own folks

evidence of lineage

through twisted pasts

and sparsely sketched hearts

quiet conversations

about dignity and mind

mending and stitching, to keep entwined

growing up and into

unblemished landmarks

laughter full of sparks

drinking to amends 

finding heroes again

sentiments shared, relationships explained

Reunions occur, with present minds

hearts that remember and share

stories that inspire and prepare

Letting go and letting in

together like clouds, yet aloof

Reminiscence enables a rebirth of roots

 

how dare you

many times over, voices have told you so

riding from the border, gathered scars for life 

I clutched their arms, looked into their eyes

nothing came back, just a dark glow

 

disappearing myself into the tent

I watched, your aides come and go

they had words, but action was painfully slow

tent to tent, a growing wave of dissent

 

I huddled under my red coat

and hoped, the specter would keep away

souls, soles of my shoes, were at an edge and in fray

the collective energy of phobia, became our moat

 

I moved, puppet like from camp to camp

plunged from home to home, city to city

reclaiming my tears, nurturing my capacity to be gritty

hardened veins, are key to survival as a tramp

 

hands held my shoulders, some held elsewhere

indifference was common, often humans were available

spaces I could never claim, dimensions that let me be reclaimable

endorsing that power in essence is an alienating affair

 

I turn sixteen today, and discard your political evil

pretence is the skin I shed, exposing flimsy layers of hope

in a world that retains a moral kaleidoscope

of life, encounters, and new beginnings after upheavals

 

I dare you to let me live again

I dare you to look into my tears 

I dare you to bear being alone

I dare you to die without regret

 

Some cyclist crosses the road, a motorist moves through but pauses a few seconds longer

A chubby squirrel perches on the fence, tiny paws breaking open a nut

The autumn leaves swirl, in circles of organized wakefulness before they fall

Of the two eggs in a pan, a yolk meanders through the folds of white, the flame flickers unresisting

She raises her hand to make a point in a winsome gesture, her companion is enthralled

That girl tugs at the swing rope, her mother smiling at the simplicity of her joy

A young man holds the door open and waits, an old woman crosses over the frontier with her walker

Trance like clouds hang in limbo, they choose to gather vital raindrops

Hesitantly a lily bursts into color, petals slowly curling as they dip into sunshine

Songs play loud into the street corners, pedestrian feet twirl to the rhythm

At the bus stop you astonish me with your smile, eloquent in it’s interludes

Vendors sell their Sunday wares, secrets are bought in bargaining moments

A bride beams incandescent behind her veil, the room gasps in unison

Letters await anxiously, fearful for the moment when they are opened

Popcorn is an ultimate conversationalist, forcing a tender reciprocity

Glassmaking is a process in flux, the product is a fruition of desire

At the core of understanding complications, are interludes

 

You are the masterplan

of our lives

present always in

encouragement and forgiveness

You gifted us the genes

those that focus

on the quality

of experience and engagement

You have been timeless

and resilient in learning

rejuvenation from grief

and humility in praise

You have never failed

in bringing to us

fearless faith

through what you chose

and how you lived

 

You never cease to surprise

with your lofty soul

and immeasurable love

 

You always inspire me to stretch

beyond myself

into the world

and for others

 

I love you Papa

Thank you

 

We shared an exquisite connection

that is hard to portray or paint

It did not have a defined pattern

could not be copied, or questioned

instead mesmerized with a sincere gaze

 

We had a package deal

that juxtaposed an uplifting joy

with angst, and confusion

offered surety and strength

through uncertainty and storms

 

We watched each other closely

and as our extensions intertwined

we absorbed the wear and tear

while relishing sunshine and blossoms

Cultivating deep roots of our friendship

 

We created a new syntax, traced a new DNA

and let our bond be a teacher

It’s simplicity always elevating

refreshing in a predictable way

defining us as we grew into our lives

 

We laughed at and with each other

listening to tears before they trickled

never lacking a conversation

often choosing silence

letting our spaces absorb our fears

 

To the meandering years of being us

and the many more we will make

A Remembrance –

Here lives our friendship

scribbles + poetry

toast +  condensed milk

embroidery + imagination

rituals + weddings

journeys + cities

homes + decisions

tea + warmth

fears + opinions

cakes + crumbs

togetherness + tragedy

So long,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I set out once,

looking for the mangroves

with haunted stories

about the withered woman

with feet that turned in and jingled

the mangroves

with secret spells

hovering over lamposts

the mangroves where

boys scuffled and

where men gathered

to grope for survival

the mangroves

that displaced the rotten

smell of burning flesh

as each canopy collapsed

into an ashen pile

I waited,

to enter the looming gates

of the house that echoed

my mother’s desires

in hidden gold and treasures

the house that watched, silent

the gates that creaked

each howling creak

recollecting a plea

pleas of bruised bodies

and naked shadows

still lingering behind

it’s walls

I walked,

the platform again

chugging wheels, that

recited memories of trains

moving like ghosts

between places, bringing ghosts

the platform I walked again

covered me in soot

of butchered history

I lifted,

some soil along with some scars

I opened,

the tall gates

and entered against my will

into the verandah

to my beginnings

I swaddled myself with,

the elegance of my mother

the industriousness of my father

the grit of my brothers

the sacrifice of my sisters

the flawlessness

of their songs

as they chanted, possessed

to their dead

and their crippled

and their humiliated

and their young, and new born

 

I bow in thankfulness

and accept the warm

tea served by the lady

in the verandah

 

NaPoWriMo 2018

Historical event

I hear, a million points of view

Border games on ripped atlas scraps

wandering has pulled me away, and afar

over land and seas,I left behind lost breadcrumbs

bradycardiac, my pulses beat, and I stagger to stand

In hope, at many homesteads

she sets a hot pot of coffee as she wrings her hands

he fills his chocolate jug with spices and anticipates

they sit around a kettle full of kahwa, intending to mourn

 

silence wearing thin, I howl aloud

roam the streets, into arteries of brick towns

where ruins emerge alive, echoing young lives

ghostly screams of greeting, guffawing at little deaths

danger of separation, palpable in the migrant caravan

bullets pierce broken wings, voices break out of breath

faded eyes loom large over dark tents

banished families, and human parts

nervous air across them all

young and old alike

chaos to chaos, they search

crowd to crowd, they collapse

 

fatal plunge, to a corner of final rest

pathway to pathway, gamble if you must

dare to lead if you can

your identity and mine

will go down as rubble

no matter which side of a border or wall

into the same water

we will bite the same dust

 

 

NaPoWriMo 2018

Bolded words used above are from the Sylvia Plath poem Family Reunion – referenced below

Family Reunion, Sylvia Plath

Outside in the street I hear
A car door slam; voices coming near;
Incoherent scraps of talk
And high heels clicking up the walk;
The doorbell rends the noonday heat
With copper claws;
A second’s pause.
The dull drums of my pulses beat
Against a silence wearing thin.
The door now opens from within.
Oh, hear the clash of people meeting —
The laughter and the screams of greeting :

Fat always, and out of breath,
A greasy smack on every cheek
From Aunt Elizabeth;
There, that’s the pink, pleased squeak
Of Cousin Jane, out spinster with
The faded eyes
And hands like nervous butterflies;
While rough as splintered wood
Across them all
Rasps the jarring baritone of Uncle Paul;
The youngest nephew gives a fretful whine
And drools at the reception line.

Like a diver on a lofty spar of land
Atop the flight of stairs I stand.
A whirlpool leers at me,
I cast off my identity
And make the fatal plunge.